Can You Thrive in Toxic Family Relationships? And Is There an Antidote to Poison?



A channeled message from the Heart Center of the Heart Center of the Universe


Aloha beloveds

Oh now, that is the question to end all questions

Is it not?

Is this not the fundamental key to peace?

Not just how do you love thy neighbor

But how do you love thy family?


In this case, we realize that what you are asking

Is not about love, exactly

Because it is easy to love somebody

That hurts you

People stay in relationships all the time

And even when they dissolve

Can feel love

Which feels in the human heart in this way

Like…like…maybe a warm compress (laughs)

Like a warmth and a love that you might feel for this person

Who requires a warm compress

When you are at your most connected


And other times

It feels like a pang

Like an emptiness

That if only that person may have been

More connected to source

The fun and the joy and the love

And the times that you might have shared with them

And there is a missing out

That comes along with that feeling of love

That feeling of seeing their best

That feeling of seeing their capacity


So it is true that everybody is on the spectrum of this

And that continually you set up expectations of people

And they meet them or don’t meet them

And this forms your experience


But we want to be out of the theoretical and into the practical

Because always we want to help you

With your human body


And so the question is

What do you do with a person

Who has the capacity to continually deeply wound you?

And we’re not going to tell you..

We’re not going to tell you entirely…

That if you could just not take it personally

All would be well

Because of course that would be true

But if that were the case

It would be a different world

And you would be a different being


What we can tell you


Is that you don’t have to do it

That being in relationship with this person

Is your choice


Now we can’t tell you it won’t be awkward

We can’t tell you it won’t have repercussions

Because not everybody

In fact, almost nobody

Will take the same stance for themselves

So if you say, about this person, or to this person

I will no longer stand for that behavior

First of all, we suspect

That if that person is doing it to you

They are likely doing it to others

So the others will react

In a variety of ways

They be inspired and stand for themselves

Or they may stand for their pattern

They may stand for their willingness to not change

And if that is the case

You will very well lose that relationship


So the point is there is no way

To recognize it,

And to keep the relationship in stasis


Number one, you make it conscious

Do I choose to be in a relationship with this person

Despite their behavior?

And if the answer is yes

Which you can always change

Then remember it is a conscious choice

You’re entering into

And with that consciousness

You have power over your own sovereign being

And if this person chooses to violate

The basic acts of kindness and civility

You are perfectly within your right as a sovereign being

To say, I will not stand for that


Now bully for you if you can say it with grace


We cannot guarantee that anybody will play along

But we guarantee that your sense of self

Your sense of divinity

Your well-being

And your love for both yourself

And potentially them

Then has the space and the room to blossom


It is in standing for yourself

It is in standing for love

It is in standing down to fear

To fear, and the rejection, that makes them act so mean

But the difference is not just in having compassion for them

And turning the other cheek

The difference is in taking a stand

Not against them

But for yourself


And you may even say that

I won’t stand for that kind of unkindness

And remove yourself from that situation

I stand for kindness and integrity

And this is out of integrity with me

We know you have some more colorful things you would like to say

And you can

But know

That where this is truly coming from in your deepest self

Is a stand for love and integrity

For yourself

And for potentially any organism that you may form

A family, a community


You will fall down on your own

And we’re not asking you to be sanctimonious

Everybody in a human body

As these evolutions continue

As these innovations and unveilings continue

These things are going to come up

And you will feel them in your own heart


Now when you have wounded, what can you do?

Well we would invite you to step away from the shame

And remember your goal

That your goal is to live

In a community of love and expression and freedom

And that includes your own ability to recognize

When you behave out of congruence with that


And find someone, perhaps not the person you have harmed

Because that person will not always be available

To help you

To forgive you

To pet you and accept you

Admit to the person that you have wronged

We believe you can clear this

We believe this chain can be broken

It may be that what exactly is coming up

When that person that harms you

Brings up within you such pain

Bring yourself to where you have had that same behavior

Toward someone else

Even if it feels paled by comparison

And ask yourself, there, what do I need to see?


Now we always want to tell you that this is not one and done


And how can you stand for yourself in that moment?

And how can you stand for the person whom you have victimized?


Each step that you take in all these relationships

They work together

So let’s go back, because this is really the question

In this case

How do you deal with a person who is hurtful continuously?

And as we said, number one, you choose whether or not to be in this relationship

And it is a choice you can change

You choose whether to have proximity with this person

And you get to choose this, no matter whose feelings are hurt


And then you practice, in the moment, being authentic

Standing for yourself and being authentic

I won’t’ stand for that

I stand for kindness and integrity and that is out of integrity

And if you want to sound a little less preachy

You can say, that’s effed up (laughs)

Or you can say nothing at all

The important thing is that you take the stand

You say it even in your own mind

You take the stand

And you remove yourself

And you may be surprised

At how this affects the dynamics of the family


We would remind you that that person is suffering and in great pain

But this is not the moment for that

Because only they can truly help and lift themselves

And search their hearts

And find their support

But you do not have to be that support

You ask yourself, and you ask yourself honestly

What am I willing to be?

And if there is not an even exchange

Then you don’t have to be willing to be anything

What are you willing to contribute to this relationship?

On a fundamental level

You can always be willing to contribute your divine self

But you do not have to be willing to contribute your time

Your friendship

Or have any truly personal relationship


These times are about equal partnerships

And when you have somebody completely out of balance like that

It just may be that they are truly incapable

But what you won’t know is if that’s possible

Without you standing within your own golden light

Activating your own divine channel


And the difference is not this just simple

Ahhh with compassion and understanding

It’s the willingness to stand in your strength

To stand for love

To stand for yourself

Because contrary to popular belief

This is not selfishness

This is standing for love


And we come to you

From the Heart Center

Of the Heart Center

Of the Universe